BULLIES!

You Know Who I’m Talking About – There is always a child (or two) whose behaviors are hard to deal with and whose name is called out almost automatically when trouble occurs and who is NEVER ABSENT! This child deserves to think of himself as good and to know he is welcome to school every day in spite of his previous ‘sins’. Sometimes he is the bully or the pest who bugs the other kids or the most physically active climber-runner-pouncer on whom you feel you must keep the most constant supervision. Use the behavior management system for his actions, but forgive him and move on. It will be healthier for child, the teacher, and the relationship between the two.

There is always some type of bullying behavior – being physically or emotionally cruel to others – but try not to label an overly aggressive child “the bully”. Deal with the behavior by realizing that this child may be bullied at home, may be testing his strength and power, jockeying for position in the community pecking order, and that both boys AND girls demonstrate bullying behaviors. Sometimes a child who bullies is a just a bigger than average size child who isn’t aware of his physical strength.

If any child hurts someone, deal with this as you would any other instance of harmful behavior, going to the victim first with empathy and concern. If there is a child who becomes known as the class bully and the other children are talking about him, afraid of him, excluding him, or telling their parents about him, take time and care to help him develop some social skills. Talk to his/her parents about behavior management, and find a way to keep the children safe while building the aggressor’s self-esteem.

Bullying has been going on since Goliath tried to bash David in the Bible. I have seen teachers tell their little Davids to hit those Goliaths back, but this is totally inappropriate. Encourage the Davids to be brave and strong, to use their words to try to make friends, or to ignore the Goliaths if they can. Give your Davids both protection and words to use to stand their ground, but never encourage physical retribution.

Goliaths who bully others usually like jobs, so put them in charge of class morale – the Happy Helper who makes sure others are safe and happy – or assign them tasks that give them a sense of responsibility like Pet/Plant Protector or Kid Counter so they can practice building their leadership qualities without using mean hands, mean feet, or mean words.Teachers should not be blamed for this “new phenomenon”, bullying. We try hard to keep every child safe physically, emotionally, and educationally but we cannot work the children like marionettes, pulling their strings and controlling all of the 5, 10, 15, or 20 little individuals in our care, each with his or her own personality, home situation, and developmental level. We are great and wonderful, but we are not miracle workers.

Young children will be aggressive on occasions no matter how careful and concerned with safety we are; no matter how terrific our classrooms and playgrounds are designed; and no matter the excellence of our curriculum and educational expertise.

Make sure you get to know which child shows aggressive tendencies and whether there is a pattern to these behaviors (does he hit/bite when he’s tired, bored, overstimulated, hungry, feeling ‘crowded’, missing home, afraid of noises, has to use the potty, is there a specific victim each time, etc). ‘Immunize’ by assuring that these things are taken into consideration, he is kept busy and challenged, and sometimes apart from his usual victims.

Next Blog: From 40 Years in the Trenches III