Some Medium Stuff (Not Too Bad, but Still Unwanted Behaviors)

Questionable Word Choice – This is using unacceptable language or calling private body parts by name. Many twos and threes practice “echolalia” – repeating what another child says over and over, and four-year olds are well-known for their use of ugly language, so expect these behaviors. If a child uses curse words that are generally offensive and may be overheard, repeated, and taken home by others, go to the speaker privately and say, “Speaker, I do not like that word and I do not want to hear it at school. If you say it again, you will have to work by yourself.” Call parents to non-judgmentally discuss the use of appropriate language at school. If a child uses silly but offensive language (like “poopy head”) you can tell him that kind of talk is “bathroom talk” and if he needs to say it, he can go in the bathroom by himself and talk. If a child uses a racial epithet or uses any language that demeans another child (“stupid, fat, ugly, dirty”) immediately treat it as you would a harmful behavior, because words DO hurt.

“Real” Words – Some children are taught to use anatomically correct words for private body parts while some have less adult words. When a child says those words, and other children are interested in them and repeat them, let your parents know that new language is contagious and that their child might come home from preschool with a vocabulary that is different from the one at home. Try not to overreact to these words. Your reaction determines their interest in repeating them. Parents will appreciate the warning so when the three-year old says vagina at the Thanksgiving dinner table with Grandma, they will not be overly surprised. A wonderful two-year-old I loved was Rebecca, who looked at a little boy coming out of the bathroom doing that two-year old pants-around-the-ankles shuffle, pointed to his penis and said, “Hey! My brother has one of those!” It was a good spontaneous lesson on the differences in our bodies – no need for scolding or shushing, just a confirmation of “Yep. Boys and girls are different.”

Playing Doctor – All young children are curious about their bodies and about bodily functions. This is normal and rarely of a sexual nature. Children touching their own or the private parts of others, peeking under skirts and into pants, and even curiosity about teachers’ bodies are all normal occurrences. If sex is simulated or if sexual language is used, however, teachers need to deal with this in a quiet, private, and matter-of-fact way – NO HYSTERICS, NO PREACHING, NO CONDEMNATION. Say, “We do not touch the private parts of bodies here”. Most young children do not have the capacity to place value judgments on sexual behaviors unless they have been taught by intentional or accidental exposure to real experiences or visual media. When young children simulate sex, ask their parents about preteen or teenage babysitters, older siblings, and of course, television, video game, and media exposure.

And Now for the Small Stuff – Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff!! You will drive yourself and your learning community crazy. Enjoy the small stuff. Laugh at the small stuff. Make learning experiences out of the small stuff.

Now that all of our discipline and behavior issues have been cleared up, and the physical environment in your learning community is perfect, let’s move on to creating and maintaining the safe emotional environment.

Next Blog: Emotional Safety – Great Self-Esteem but NO TROPHIES!