Realistic Self-Esteem – What we want for each child is to develop a REALISTIC view of himself and the world around him. We encourage this by creating an environment of Emotional Safety.  

Me and We – Emotional Safety is created by understanding the aspects of self-esteem (Me) and community (We). The affirmation of individual realistic self-esteem and the development of a ‘Whole Child’ is done by the provision of warmth and humor, acceptance and respect, protection of rights, assignment of responsibilities, celebration of events and milestones and strong connections with families. Community is the creation of a close-knit ‘family’ of learners in who have a common mission of learning success that takes place in comfort, peace, cooperation, wonder, and joy.

Let’s Talk About Me – Positive self-esteem is the foundation of high-quality intelligence. Children who feel comfortable with their bodies, feel loved, and are treated with kindness and respect, simply learn better than children who are disrespected, belittled, pressured, and either over or under stimulated. This is true for students of any age. It is of extreme importance for children from birth to eight years of age, it is important for students who have any special need physically, mentally, emotionally, or socially, and it is important for students at particularly sensitive ages and stages of development (Gesell says 18 mos, 3.5 yrs, and 5 years).

Keeping it Real – Realistic self-esteem is built through honesty and the offering of positive feedback through gesture or hug, not the awarding of trophies, stickers, candy, and toys. Praising and over-praising everything a child accomplishes is not honest. On the other hand, pressure to perform, nagging, and only noticing a child when he misbehaves is extremely detrimental, so there must be a happy medium.

We want to assist in the development of a whole child, healthy and strong in body, mind, and spirit. Development of a healthy spirit involves the ability to see ourselves as good and able, but human, each with his own ethnicity, appearance, gender, abilities, strengths and weaknesses – none of these labeled good or bad, but merely different.

Today (2017) everybody talks about awarding of prizes for simply being there, opposed to celebrating those who make the highest scores, run the fastest race, or look the cutest in the baby beauty contest. Try hard to convince yourself and your parents that there is no need for high pressure contests in early education.I do not care for a lot of competition among under eights. I do not love preschool graduation ceremonies and prefer not to take part in award ceremonies in which there is a certificate or trophy for every child, with teachers trying to find a ‘winning title’ for every child like Niftiest Napper and Best Breather. On the other side of the coin, if nifty napping and good breathing is the ONLY thing you can find to compliment a child on, please do let him know you’re proud of him. I have complimented children on their bottom-wiping and their sneeze-covering if I felt they needed a boost of self-esteem, but overpraising and over-rewarding sets up troubles.

Young children should not be judged. They are not emotionally capable of handling overt recognition of success or failure. They aren’t stupid – they always know whom, among their friends, is the ‘smartest’, the ‘prettiest’, the most ‘popular’, the best ‘reader’, and they sometimes know when you pronounce them best ‘line leader’ that you are just trying to make them feel good. It’s great to send each child home feeling good about something, but don’t overdo it.

The way to make everyone feel good is by being honest. If a child cries because he comes in last in a foot race around the playground, you say, “Yes, you’re upset. Usain is a fast runner.” There is no need to compare the kids’ abilities or make a big moral lesson about practicing more, eating better, or trying harder UNLESS you can give him some ownership of his learning (“What can you do if you want to run faster?”) or of his feelings, (“You are sad about that. What can you do to make yourself feel better?”)

Creating emotional safety is the way to build self-esteem. It begins with Warmth and Humor.

Next Blog: Warmth – Best Feeling in the World