Talking About Emotional Safety Here – Let’s face it! Every class has a sticky-faced, green-nasaled child who bullies and hits, talks too much, never listens, seldom follows directions, and pesters his classmates incessantly; and every class has a beautifully dressed and coifed well-behaved little lady who brings us joy and peace on a daily basis and whose parents give us great end-of-year gift baskets of chocolate and wine.

What is best for both of these children is to learn to feel good about themselves and okay about each other, and we do this by showing our unconditional respect for each child and by finding each child’s strengths so we can help him use them to meet his needs (weaknesses).

MORE – Acceptance and respect mean more than “tolerance”. The word, “tolerance” gives me the impression of one person being superior to another and allowing the other to be in his presence (like a queen granting a person of lesser nobility the right to come into her court). Acceptance means agreeing that differences are not good, bad, better, or best, but merely different. Respect means accepting those differences in a positive and open manner and honoring each child with the esteem he or she deserves. Our children deserve more than mere tolerance.

This may seem like an easy task for teachers whose nature, most often, is to be kind, loving, and protective, but granting this right does not come naturally or automatically when the desire to TEACH FACTS comes ahead of the desire to PROMOTE AND SUPPORT LEARNING or when a teacher feels the need to INSTILL HER OWN VALUES in place of the values of the child and his family. Real learning comes from within the child, and positive values are not “taught”, but offered by example.

Aretha Sings it Best – R-E-S-P-E-C-T, genuine regard for another individual is a great gift. For a teacher to unconditionally respect a child, she must fully understand child development and its facts about natural behaviors and skills appearing in patterns of growth while also accepting the fact that there are many influences on that development that make each child an individual capable of growth only at his own speed. It is human but unprofessional to compare one child to another or any child to a set of standards without this understanding and it is disrespectful to expect more or less of a child because of his race, ethnicity, or family situation.

It Happens – Over the years I have listened to well-meaning seemingly intelligent teachers make statements like, “I had his brother two years ago. I don’t think he’ll make it to kindergarten” or “You know his dad’s in trouble with the law. I don’t expect him to do very well,”, or even “THOSE PEOPLE just don’t have good values.” Give each child the respect and acceptance he deserves simply because he exists.

Next Blog: Acceptance and Respect 2 – More on More than Tolerance