In creating and maintaining an environment of safety in which the best learning happens, teachers need to use warmth and humor, acceptance and respect (not just tolerance) and must protect the rights of each child to make decisions, express himself, make and use mistakes, and to have ownership of some personal rights. These personal rights are Privacy and Peace, Respect for Belongings and Names, Listening, and Forgiveness. 

Privacy and Peace – Children have a right to privacy when they are feeling singled out for either positive or negative attention during times of natural developmental self-consciousness; and a right to peace when they are anxious, unsure, or hesitant.

Privacy – Teachers need to know ALL children (child development) and to know THEIR children. There are times in their development (18 months, 3 and a half, and sometimes 5 years) when children are naturally hesitant to do things like separate from their parents, join in group play, or ‘perform’ in artistic expression, and there are some children who are simply hesitant by nature.

If there is a problem with separating a child from a parent on arrival at school, respect the parent’s system of separation unless it becomes a HUGE distraction to other children. Use humor, honesty, and distraction (“Sorry you’re sad. Mommy will be back at Noon. Mommy always comes back. Look at this elephant puzzle!” How long should they cry? My advice is to see how the situation affects the child (crying until he throws up or moves into a dangerous tantrum) and the other children. Be patient but be practical.

Always gently and positively encourage a hesitant child. Never put a child on ‘stage’ and insist they perform in order to “make that shyness go away”. This is simply cruel. NEVER label a child “shy” when talking to the child, other children, other teachers, or parents.

Always try to discipline a child in private so he understands he is being reprimanded without being shamed and named. Children who are publicly shamed become sad, have low self-esteem, and may even act out with aggressive behaviors against others in their anger. Shaming makes bullies.

Peace – Always have a safe place in your classroom where a child may retreat – NOT A TIMEOUT, NAUGHTY SPOT, or THINKING CORNER where ‘bad listeners’ go during Circle Time or biters sit when they’ve chomped a classmate’s arm, but a place where a child can read, sleep, listen to music, or play with soft toys when he is missing his mom or feels sad.

Personal Belongings – Some teachers find it difficult to protect and respect a child’s personal belongings as this means putting your opinions about pacifiers, bottles, blankies, and other lovies aside and assuring the child that whatever he brings to school for comfort will be treasured as he treasures it and available to him if he should need it during the day.

Think developmentally on this issue. If an Infant, Baby, Toddler, or Young Two needs his pacifier, he should have it! If an older Two or older child still brings his pacifier to school, let his parents know that it is hard to develop language skills with something in your mouth and tell the child, “I’m sorry. I can’t understand what you’re saying. Put your pacifier in your cubby, please.” Praise appropriately when the binkie is put away. “Ah, look at your wonderful face! I can hear everything you say.”

Since it’s hard to keep up with lots of extra “stuff” during the day, make a rule that if an older child brings a security item to school, he has to be responsible for it during the day. Work with parents on this rule from the beginning of the year. Limit the number of toys brought from home to special days only.

Over the years I have seen children bring security items like blankets, stuffed animals, dryer sheets and lovely pieces of lingerie that smelled like Mommy. One wonderful little gentleman whose parents picked oranges all day long, came to Head Start every day in a suit and tie and kept two pacifiers in his breast pocket – one for himself, and one for his little sister. I can think of no greater love – and that love is to be respected.

Names – Learn to pronounce and spell individual and family names correctly. If a child feels you haven’t the time to learn his name, what does this say about how he sees himself? If you make an error, correct it and apologize. “I am so sorry. I called you the wrong name, didn’t I? Your wonderful name is Dexter!” I learned this from my mother who always greeted her six grandchildren with a hug and said, “You are my favorite grandchild named (Margaret, Robert, Vanessa, Melissa, Stephanie, or Thomas). Worked every time.

Listening and Forgiveness – Two other rights of great value but that are hard to grant during a busy day are to be listened to with active listening techniques and to be forgiven for inappropriate behaviors and given an opportunity to correct them. It takes a BIG big person to give a little person the time, attention, and respect of listening and forgiveness, when the constraints of time and numbers of little people are not always conducive to doing so, but it is well worth your effort and vital for the emotional safety of each and every child.

Next Blog: Special Rights