Know How to NO – There is nothing wrong with the word NO. Save your biggest NO!’s for issues of safety and use them FIRMLY and LOUDLY for potential incidents of extreme harm. (“Thomas, NO BITE!”)

Understand that using the word, “DON’T” is confusing for young children. They may not even hear the word itself, and often do not understand that it means, “do not”. They usually recognize the verb after the “don’t”, and often they will do the exact opposite of what the teacher intends. Saying, “Don’t Run!” often results in a stampede of two year old marathon sprinters headed for the finish line.

Know When to NO – When possible, try to say, “Yes, When. . “ or “Yes, If. . “ or “Let’s talk about it”, but use NO when it is needed. Use a firm voice when you need a child to know you mean business about a behavior. Children need to know they cannot always do, eat, have, or take what they want – it’s not the way the real world works. A simple sample: on popsicle day, when my twos were all clamoring for their favorite flavor (or color) and falling on the floor in sobbing protest when the reds were all gone, one of them (obviously echoing her mom who had four other children) “You get what you get and you don’t fuss a bit!” I couldn’t have said it better.

Be Prepared – Remember to immunize against unsafe behaviors by reminding the community of learners about the rules before they make a transition. You might say, “We are going to walk to Chapel now, using our walking feet and chapel voices. If you run, I will need to hold your hand.”

Want Good Kids? Be a Good Person – It may seem silly to ask professional teachers to model appropriate behavior, but it is important to the behavior management system because basically, what young children see, they tend to imitate and as they are exposed to certain behaviors and how those behaviors affect them, they learn to either repeat them or discard them. Even infants are not oblivious to the overall atmosphere in their environment. They can sense the mood of a classroom and they react to it. Toddlers notice the mood and imitate the actions of the adults in the environment, while twos, threes, and fours most definitely notice the mood, imitate the actions, and take those feelings and behaviors to heart through their own behavior.
 
Behavior Management/Discipline – The word ‘discipline’ comes from the same root word as ‘disciple’, which means literally, ‘one who follows’, so discipline means to behave so that the children will follow that lead and imitate appropriate and safe behavior.

With Power, Comes Responsibility (Spiderman) – Our job is to encourage self-control, not to have control or power over the children. Obviously, the teacher is in control of safety, health, creating a positive environment, and creating appropriate experiences for learning, but “teaching” a child to be aware of his behaviors and to have ownership of his actions in relation to the good of his own learning process and that of others, is one of the most vital aspects of early learning.The goal of discipline is to create the desire in each child to behave well for the good of the learning process and the good of the community of learners, in other words, to attain self-discipline.  Self-discipline happens best when children are treated well, protected from harm, and motivated to feel good about themselves.

Manners – Don’t get caught up in “teaching” manners, simply use good manners yourself. Teach hygiene and nutrition by washing your hands and eating good food in the children’s presence.

Empathy – The kinds of behaviors that are hard to ‘teach’ a child to learn to use are empathy, forgiveness, and respect. These must be modeled and explained more “in the moment” than through a unit of lesson plans, but teachers need to do both. A playground incidence of meanness can lead to a great group problem-solving experience, an open discussion at the snack table, or referral to a book on the subject. Voila! Lessons learned without Lesson Plans!

If You’re Happy and You Know it, Clap Your Hands – Modeling is more important to the system of behavior management than making rules. Children are great impressionists – great at imitating our demeanor, mannerisms, language, expression, gesture, and mood. More often than not, a classroom learning community rampant with ugly behaviors on a continuing basis is the result of the creation of an inappropriate emotional and educational environment or of children imitating the behaviors of adults with unfortunate attitudes of a negative nature. If you’re not happy, your face may surely show it so follow these rules yourself – be here, be healthy, and be happy.

Next Blog: Some F words You’ll Want to Remember

There’s No Crying in Baseball and There’s No Hitting in Preschool!!! – The basic values of behavior management in a classroom are good health and nonviolence. As far as corporal punishment and the use of developmentally inappropriate techniques in dealing with behavior, IT IS VERY RARE, but I have seen it all – children hit, spanked, slapped, pinched, thumped on the head, forced to sit for loooong periods of time, had their “lovies’ taken away, been bitten back when they bit or encouraged to hit back when they’ve been hit, – and I have heard all the arguments in favor of this type of discipline – “I was spanked and I turned out ok!”, or “This is how they learn” or “I am in charge of this class, not them!” and I will tell you that this is not teaching and certainly not learning.

A child who is hit on a continuing basis learns to hide his anger and resentment, to be either more aggressive or fearful and withdrawn.

A child whose behaviors are controlled only by others becomes less intelligent than a child who behaves well because he has learned and decided it is the right thing to do.

A child who is protected from harm, treated well, given rules that are meaningful and logical and given (or allowed to naturally happen) age appropriate consequences when those rules are broken, is a child who can learn to his optimal potential.

Let’s talk about Rules – Rules are not the values of your program (that’s good health and nonviolence and whatever else your program chooses – faith, academic success, artistic freedom – but the specific regulations and stated limits on harmful behaviors.

Rules should be developmentally appropriate; agreed upon by parents, teachers, and children old enough to have input; consistently enforced by all teachers whenever possible and supported by administrators; practical and useful – with rules of safety being the most strictly enforced; simple and practical and limited to common sense situations (not nitpicky regulations for imagined worries that will not occur); and they should be stated and written positively, telling the children what TO DO, not just what not to do.

So, the Rules on Rules are:

• Keep them simple, understandable, and age-appropriate
• Keep them positively stated and relevant to REAL problems
• Keep them general enough to cover general issues, but specific when needed: (Pee pee in the potty; Food is NOT for spitting; Feet stay on the floor)
• Keep Them

Post the most important general rules for all to see – even non-readers.

My absolute favorite list of school rules was from a rural elementary school in Missouri. The rules were posted not just at school, but in every store on the town square for all parents and community members to see and reinforce as partners in the community of learners. They said everything needed to be said:

Be Here. Be Healthy. Be Happy.

Establishing simple, age-appropriate rules and following through on consequences for breaking the rules is the logical way to go. Before you react to rule-breaking (NOT RULE- BREAKERS!!) the next blogs will give you helpful hints.

Next Blog: Behavior Management 2 – Know How to NO