Trying to do a series of blogs giving suggestions to teachers who have questions about particular behaviors and situations. Here’s one on the Don’t Want To’s. Next time we’ll talk about the Herbie Blockbuilders and the Wanna’ Go Homers.

Every day there are children who are not eager participants in the wonderfulness you have planned for them. It seems no matter how creative your inviting provocations and learning experiences, how much fun other children are having, or how much you know these children would enjoy joining in, they simply won’t budge.

These discerning little people come in three different categories, but we have to ask ourselves the same question about all of them: Is it him? Is it me and/or the environment I’ve created? What can I do for this child?

For the Don’t Want To’s:

Is it Him? – Most of the time it is just this child and not your classroom aura. He may be going through a perfectly normal stage of separation anxiety or discomfort (18 mos., two and a half, three and a half, or 5 years). He may have had a bad preschool, daycare, or nursery experience in the past. His personal preference for handling life may be to wait until he is thoroughly comfortable before jumping in – this is part of his personality – what we all get from both our genetics and our environment. He may be naturally hesitant.

NOT SHY!!! Please do not label him “shy”. Do not call him “shy” or “stubborn” or any of those things. NOT FAIR and NOT RIGHT!

Is it Me or the Environment? – Usually not, but there are children who are legitimately fearful of crowds, noise, and over stimulation. There are also children who are put off by the ‘teacher rush’ – a well-meaning adult who rushes and gushes with a flowery sing-song voice thinking it will encourage an uninterested child to participate.

What Can I Do? – Gently take his hand and walk this child around the room so he can see what might appeal to him. Observe his face for signs of interest. Try not to compare him to the others by saying, “See? Look at Herbie! He loves the blocks”, but simply state the facts. “Herbie is building a castle. Annie is working with clay.” Always have some quiet one-man/one-puzzle type activity for children like this. Talk to his parents to see what catches his attention at home and see if he’d like something similar.

Be patient. Some of us are divers and some of us like to put a toe in the water first.