Prior blog talked about the importance of allowing your children access to their security items during the hours of preschool/day care attendance. The main reasons for this are to provide each child with the safety of personal security; to respect the child’s self esteem and his personal developmental level; to give each child ownership of his emotions; and to increase appropriate behaviors, because:

• You take my passie, it makes me sassy!
• You take my blankie, it makes me cranky!

I know ALL the reasons teachers have for not allowing toys, blankets, pacifiers, and bottles in the classroom. Distracting, too young for that, gets lost and parent gets mad, don’t have time or energy to keep up with fifteen or twenty little possessions, ya da ya da ya da.

So  – Some Laws for Lovies

1. Parents are informed up front that lovies are welcome if parents assist you by marking them with child’s name; understanding and reinforcing the Lovey Laws; understanding that sometimes lovies get lost.
2. Lovies are kept in each child’s cubby, personal belonging space, or classroom safe space, and only come out when a child needs comforting – this is determined by the child in behavior or words. You will be surprised at how this works as the child’s comfort level increases.
3. Teachers will make the emotional environment warm and respectful at all times so there is less opportunity for stress.
4. Teachers will make the educational environment stimulating and interesting – even fun – so children will be busy learning and need fewer stress reducers.
5. Teachers will pay attention to children and NOTICE when the child is NOT using the lovey. No need for an “I told you so” attitude, but just a statement of fact like, “Look at you singing all the words with us.” or “You used both hands to build that castle.” If you think a gentle & respectful reminder is needed, you can say something like a really neat grandma I met told me: “Sorry, Katie. Grandma doesn’t speak Passie-Talk.”

To Wean or Not to Wean

1. Pacifiers – NO. It is not our ‘call’ on when a child gives up his pacifier. The decision belongs to the child’s needs, the parent, the pediatrician, pediatric dentist, or speech therapist.
2. Baby Bottles – MAYBE. Still not our call, but a teacher may make a suggestion to a parent on this IF the bottle is a full time lovey and other children begin to emulate this and backtrack from using a cup.
3. Sippy Cups – Should be available all day, filled with water only because children’s brains (and ours) need hydration to relax and learn.
4. Baby Blankets – NO. the only concern with blankets is if they impede a child’s movement.
5. Toys From Home – Unless is it truly brought for security and comfort, LIMIT these to 1 small item only but see that it is stored and ‘used’ with the same procedures as other lovies.

Lovies are what some of us call pacifiers, blankets, & other items young children use to create security when they are feeling stress, or what I call the 4 F’s: Food, Fear, Frustration, and Fatigue.

Over my 40 years in the business, I have seen a wide variety of these items from the usual baby blanket or bottle, pacifier, or stuffed animal to the more unique – pillows, stress balls, a bag of cotton balls, the ear (just the ear) of a grandma-made terry cloth bunny rabbit, and various pieces of mommy’s lingerie.

If you’re honestly and earnestly using DAP (and I hope you are) you do not snatch these things away at school under the misguided belief that a child is ‘too old’ for them. Removing them or denying access to them during the day is not developmentally appropriate, not “TEACHING”, and not nice.

Good teachers understand the need for lovies and set up a system that gives each child access to his security item when THE CHILD feels the need to have it. This supports the positive emotional environment in the classroom needed for each child to feel safe, and in education, it is SUCCESS OF THE SAFEST.

It is a known fact that reduction of stress makes the behaviors in a classroom better for students and teachers, so why increase stress by removing security?

Of course, many teachers will say these things are disruptive, annoying to keep up with, unattractive, and cause dependency – WRONG! Even toddlers can learn to put their lovey in their cubby as long as they are assured of access when THEY feel the need.

How do you handle stress? Remember this:

I’m a little human. Like you, I am real. I deserve to feel what big humans feel.

When you’re on edge or sad or sleepy, what do you need so you’re not so weepy?

Chocolate? Coffee? Ice cream, maybe? When I need my lovey, I’m not being ‘a baby’!

 

Next Blog: Lovies Part 2 – To Wean or Not to Wean?