I think there are some words used in early education that we need to remember, and those we need to change.

Remember these F Words explaining the reasons children may display what I’m now calling “unhelpful” behaviors (rather than bad, naughty, annoying, inappropriate):

• Food – hunger, over fullness, allergy, or poor nutrition
• Fear – actual or imagined fear of separation, home-sickness, loud noises, crowds, strangers, the teacher’s displeasure, aggressive classmates
• Frustration – anger or self-loathing when tasks, time, or toys are not developmentally appropriate (either too difficult or not challenging enough for their abilities)
• Fatigue – tiredness, physical discomfort, ill or coming down with illness
• Family – stressed/upset over family issues (big issues and what may seem like small ones, from parental problems to new sibling to moving to big kid bed to having had to eat their cereal from a bowl not of their choosing
• Function – behavior caused by any difference in learning or development or brain growth that may need professional diagnosis

Let’s change some of the terms we use to describe children. When there are behaviors going on that are making us rethink our chosen field, let’s assure our words describe the children’s actions rather than their personalities. Labelling children by personality traits may damage self-esteem and often causes them to take on the very traits described (the law of the self-fulfilling prophecy).

Instead of ‘shy’, use ‘quiet or discerning’; instead of ‘manipulative or sneaky’, use ‘able to figure out how to get things done or to get what they want”; instead of “just seeking attention’, think: ‘seeking a connection’; and to substitute ‘stole the classroom toys’, state factually, ‘took that toy home’.

Use a big, fat, stern, emphatic ‘NO!’ when a harmful behavior is happening or about to happen, but when you are refusing a request, take on a quiet, respectful tone and say, ‘no, the bikes are put away for the day’ or ‘sorry, the green paint is not available right now. When appropriate, instead of ‘no’, say ‘yes, when you have washed you hands you may have snack or yes, if you ask in a nice way, he may give you a turn.’

You don’t have to speak as if you live in Downton Abbey. Speak informally in a vernacular understood by the children. Use endearing nicknames and gentle teasing with the greatest respect. (“Mrs. B. called me Spider Man John today when I climbed the monkey bars!”)

Choose and use your words carefully for an increase in positive behaviors and look!

Positive Words Impact a Child’s Brain Development