Talking About Emotional Safety Here – Let’s face it! Every class has a sticky-faced, green-nasaled child who bullies and hits, talks too much, never listens, seldom follows directions, and pesters his classmates incessantly; and every class has a beautifully dressed and coifed well-behaved little lady who brings us joy and peace on a daily basis and whose parents give us great end-of-year gift baskets of chocolate and wine.

What is best for both of these children is to learn to feel good about themselves and okay about each other, and we do this by showing our unconditional respect for each child and by finding each child’s strengths so we can help him use them to meet his needs (weaknesses).

MORE – Acceptance and respect mean more than “tolerance”. The word, “tolerance” gives me the impression of one person being superior to another and allowing the other to be in his presence (like a queen granting a person of lesser nobility the right to come into her court). Acceptance means agreeing that differences are not good, bad, better, or best, but merely different. Respect means accepting those differences in a positive and open manner and honoring each child with the esteem he or she deserves. Our children deserve more than mere tolerance.

This may seem like an easy task for teachers whose nature, most often, is to be kind, loving, and protective, but granting this right does not come naturally or automatically when the desire to TEACH FACTS comes ahead of the desire to PROMOTE AND SUPPORT LEARNING or when a teacher feels the need to INSTILL HER OWN VALUES in place of the values of the child and his family. Real learning comes from within the child, and positive values are not “taught”, but offered by example.

Aretha Sings it Best – R-E-S-P-E-C-T, genuine regard for another individual is a great gift. For a teacher to unconditionally respect a child, she must fully understand child development and its facts about natural behaviors and skills appearing in patterns of growth while also accepting the fact that there are many influences on that development that make each child an individual capable of growth only at his own speed. It is human but unprofessional to compare one child to another or any child to a set of standards without this understanding and it is disrespectful to expect more or less of a child because of his race, ethnicity, or family situation.

It Happens – Over the years I have listened to well-meaning seemingly intelligent teachers make statements like, “I had his brother two years ago. I don’t think he’ll make it to kindergarten” or “You know his dad’s in trouble with the law. I don’t expect him to do very well,”, or even “THOSE PEOPLE just don’t have good values.” Give each child the respect and acceptance he deserves simply because he exists.

Next Blog: Acceptance and Respect 2 – More on More than Tolerance

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is little that is more important than the creation of a warm, welcoming, and positive atmosphere for learning by laughing, smiling, and relaxing, and encouraging this in the children. Appropriate laughter feels good, causes the body to relax, and the brain to work more smoothly.

Humor – The use of humor as a method of creating the emotional environment of safety is important because appropriate laughter makes learning occur more quickly and with higher quality than rote memory methods of learning in an atmosphere of pressure and boredom. Development of a sense of humor is an important cognitive strength expectation. The understanding, appreciation, and creation of humor is a builder of intelligence, so teaching with and modelling humor assist in accomplishing the mission of the curriculum. Human beings with good appropriate senses of humor are more intelligent, well-rounded, and successful.

Read the works of Dr. Paul McGhee, author of many books on humor and its place in learning in children and adults. (Google him for giggles). He said, “Humor first appears when children acquire a solid enough understanding of basic features of their world to know that distortions or incongruous presentations of those features are “wrong” or, in older preschoolers, “impossible.” Believe the words of Ameila J. Kline, in Children’s Humor: A Cognitive-Developmental Perspective. L. Katz (Ed.), Current Topics in Early Childhood Education, Vol. VII who said:

“Humor is a form of play and is a natural medium through which young children can expand their understanding of the world.
Humor is highly pleasurable and is associated with cognitive mastery.
Humor provides children with problems to solve. In a joke, riddle, funny story, or cartoon, children must resolve incongruity in order to establish the joke.
Humor promotes divergent thinking, a characteristic of creativity; in order to establish a joking relationship, the child must discover or create unique associations among ideas.
Humor provides the child with an opportunity to learn rules. Humor has a basic structure that children discover when “playing jokes” on others (humor based on the element of surprise) or telling riddles (a punch line logically related to the body of the joke).”

Giggles is Good – Funny things happen in the community of little learners. Children say and do things every day that make us laugh. The ‘trick’ on humor and laughter is to make sure the fun is good-natured and positive and is never aimed at humiliating a child or disrespecting his family.

Some things that I have seen even in the best of programs that are NOT funny, are:

Teasing, imitating children’s speech patterns or accents, overstimulation by physical tickling, unkind nicknames, talking aloud about a child’s appearance, clothes, food choices, table manners, hygiene, family situation, abilities, and mistakes.

If your children are not laughing and smiling during their time with you and if you are not appropriately laughing and smiling during your time with them, then take a close look at the environment you have created – the stage you have set – and make the changes needed to create emotional safety for every child through warmth and humor.

“What we learn with pleasure, we never forget.”                 Alfred Mercier

Next Blog: Acceptance

 

Optimal Learning – The best learning happens when children feel comfortable and can use the methods of Movement, Sensory Exploration, Active Manipulation of Real Objects, Construction, Role Play, and Expression in an atmosphere of warmth and security.

This atmosphere must assure that each and every child is comfortable physically and emotionally, that each becomes familiar with the classroom and persons in it, and has his family name, ethnicity, and customs treated with dignity and respect.

Learning is inhibited by: discomfort, fear, disrespect, pressure to perform, boredom, chaos, and the use of methods incompatible with developmental expectations, so it is of extreme importance that every adult make every attempt to assure that this environment is created and maintained at all times.

Warmth – A child who feels safe and secure when his teacher smiles at him and greets him warmly (and forgivingly, if need be) by his correctly pronounced name upon arrival at school is a child who can learn more easily and behave more appropriately.

 Teachers must use their knowledge of child development to create appropriate schedules and have appropriate developmental expectations. We have to understand and appreciate the need for organized chaos, not chaotic organization. We must separate program work from personal worries, must practice relaxation techniques, communicate clearly and respectfully with each other on a regular basis, and most importantly, smile and laugh appropriately

More specifically, every teacher must:                                              

• Learn to truly know each child in her care
• Greet each child daily by correctly pronounced name, eye contact and a smile                            
• Affirm peaceful behaviors and encourage appropriate laughter
• Ignore, redirect, or discourage laughter at another’s misfortune
• Encourage and participate in appropriate humor                                             
• Play with the children, not just watch the children play
• Communicate clearly, warmly, respectfully with family members
• Dismiss each child daily with a warm affirming (and forgiving)  farewell

Like “Cheers” – Make your classroom a place where “everybody knows your name.”

Next Blog: Humor – Second Best Feeling in the World

 

Realistic Self-Esteem – What we want for each child is to develop a REALISTIC view of himself and the world around him. We encourage this by creating an environment of Emotional Safety.  

Me and We – Emotional Safety is created by understanding the aspects of self-esteem (Me) and community (We). The affirmation of individual realistic self-esteem and the development of a ‘Whole Child’ is done by the provision of warmth and humor, acceptance and respect, protection of rights, assignment of responsibilities, celebration of events and milestones and strong connections with families. Community is the creation of a close-knit ‘family’ of learners in who have a common mission of learning success that takes place in comfort, peace, cooperation, wonder, and joy.

Let’s Talk About Me – Positive self-esteem is the foundation of high-quality intelligence. Children who feel comfortable with their bodies, feel loved, and are treated with kindness and respect, simply learn better than children who are disrespected, belittled, pressured, and either over or under stimulated. This is true for students of any age. It is of extreme importance for children from birth to eight years of age, it is important for students who have any special need physically, mentally, emotionally, or socially, and it is important for students at particularly sensitive ages and stages of development (Gesell says 18 mos, 3.5 yrs, and 5 years).

Keeping it Real – Realistic self-esteem is built through honesty and the offering of positive feedback through gesture or hug, not the awarding of trophies, stickers, candy, and toys. Praising and over-praising everything a child accomplishes is not honest. On the other hand, pressure to perform, nagging, and only noticing a child when he misbehaves is extremely detrimental, so there must be a happy medium.

We want to assist in the development of a whole child, healthy and strong in body, mind, and spirit. Development of a healthy spirit involves the ability to see ourselves as good and able, but human, each with his own ethnicity, appearance, gender, abilities, strengths and weaknesses – none of these labeled good or bad, but merely different.

Today (2017) everybody talks about awarding of prizes for simply being there, opposed to celebrating those who make the highest scores, run the fastest race, or look the cutest in the baby beauty contest. Try hard to convince yourself and your parents that there is no need for high pressure contests in early education.I do not care for a lot of competition among under eights. I do not love preschool graduation ceremonies and prefer not to take part in award ceremonies in which there is a certificate or trophy for every child, with teachers trying to find a ‘winning title’ for every child like Niftiest Napper and Best Breather. On the other side of the coin, if nifty napping and good breathing is the ONLY thing you can find to compliment a child on, please do let him know you’re proud of him. I have complimented children on their bottom-wiping and their sneeze-covering if I felt they needed a boost of self-esteem, but overpraising and over-rewarding sets up troubles.

Young children should not be judged. They are not emotionally capable of handling overt recognition of success or failure. They aren’t stupid – they always know whom, among their friends, is the ‘smartest’, the ‘prettiest’, the most ‘popular’, the best ‘reader’, and they sometimes know when you pronounce them best ‘line leader’ that you are just trying to make them feel good. It’s great to send each child home feeling good about something, but don’t overdo it.

The way to make everyone feel good is by being honest. If a child cries because he comes in last in a foot race around the playground, you say, “Yes, you’re upset. Usain is a fast runner.” There is no need to compare the kids’ abilities or make a big moral lesson about practicing more, eating better, or trying harder UNLESS you can give him some ownership of his learning (“What can you do if you want to run faster?”) or of his feelings, (“You are sad about that. What can you do to make yourself feel better?”)

Creating emotional safety is the way to build self-esteem. It begins with Warmth and Humor.

Next Blog: Warmth – Best Feeling in the World

                                                                                                            

 

 

 

Some Medium Stuff (Not Too Bad, but Still Unwanted Behaviors)

Questionable Word Choice – This is using unacceptable language or calling private body parts by name. Many twos and threes practice “echolalia” – repeating what another child says over and over, and four-year olds are well-known for their use of ugly language, so expect these behaviors. If a child uses curse words that are generally offensive and may be overheard, repeated, and taken home by others, go to the speaker privately and say, “Speaker, I do not like that word and I do not want to hear it at school. If you say it again, you will have to work by yourself.” Call parents to non-judgmentally discuss the use of appropriate language at school. If a child uses silly but offensive language (like “poopy head”) you can tell him that kind of talk is “bathroom talk” and if he needs to say it, he can go in the bathroom by himself and talk. If a child uses a racial epithet or uses any language that demeans another child (“stupid, fat, ugly, dirty”) immediately treat it as you would a harmful behavior, because words DO hurt.

“Real” Words – Some children are taught to use anatomically correct words for private body parts while some have less adult words. When a child says those words, and other children are interested in them and repeat them, let your parents know that new language is contagious and that their child might come home from preschool with a vocabulary that is different from the one at home. Try not to overreact to these words. Your reaction determines their interest in repeating them. Parents will appreciate the warning so when the three-year old says vagina at the Thanksgiving dinner table with Grandma, they will not be overly surprised. A wonderful two-year-old I loved was Rebecca, who looked at a little boy coming out of the bathroom doing that two-year old pants-around-the-ankles shuffle, pointed to his penis and said, “Hey! My brother has one of those!” It was a good spontaneous lesson on the differences in our bodies – no need for scolding or shushing, just a confirmation of “Yep. Boys and girls are different.”

Playing Doctor – All young children are curious about their bodies and about bodily functions. This is normal and rarely of a sexual nature. Children touching their own or the private parts of others, peeking under skirts and into pants, and even curiosity about teachers’ bodies are all normal occurrences. If sex is simulated or if sexual language is used, however, teachers need to deal with this in a quiet, private, and matter-of-fact way – NO HYSTERICS, NO PREACHING, NO CONDEMNATION. Say, “We do not touch the private parts of bodies here”. Most young children do not have the capacity to place value judgments on sexual behaviors unless they have been taught by intentional or accidental exposure to real experiences or visual media. When young children simulate sex, ask their parents about preteen or teenage babysitters, older siblings, and of course, television, video game, and media exposure.

And Now for the Small Stuff – Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff!! You will drive yourself and your learning community crazy. Enjoy the small stuff. Laugh at the small stuff. Make learning experiences out of the small stuff.

Now that all of our discipline and behavior issues have been cleared up, and the physical environment in your learning community is perfect, let’s move on to creating and maintaining the safe emotional environment.

Next Blog: Emotional Safety – Great Self-Esteem but NO TROPHIES!

Talked about the Big Stuff – Now for Some Not So Big Stuff

Sassiness – Sometimes called ‘talking back’. Treat this by saying sadly, calmly, and matter-of-factly, “Oh Childname. I am so sorry to hear you speak to me that way. It makes me sad (or hurts my ears, or hurts my feelings, or hurts my heart). I will not listen to you when you talk that way. Say what you want to say nicely and I will listen to you.” Then the trick – AND THIS IS THE TRICK ON ALL BEHAVIORS – turn physically away from the child until he speaks in a respectful way, then give full active attention and thank him for speaking correctly when he does.

Passiness – This sometimes works with whining and talking through a pacifier, too. Be kind by saying, “Oh, Childname. I cannot understand what you’re saying. When you can say it so I can understand you, I will be able to listen.” Then attend quickly when the whine or the pacifier is gone. (Be developmental on that pacifier!! Parents and dentists make that decision – not you.)

 

Harassiness – It also works with the constant interrupter who is either so excited about what he has to express or is not used to sharing the teacher’s attention with others. Try this: “I hear you, Childname, and I want to listen, but it is not your turn to talk. Please draw a picture of what you want to say and when it is your turn to talk, I will remember to listen carefully.” (In Circle Times I have seen teachers have the children pass a theme-related object around so each child can speak only when he is holding it).

Nervous Habits – Things like hair twisting or chewing, nail-biting, and stammering may be caused either by developmental stage (18 months, 3.5 and 5 years) or by emotional distress and they may be temporary. Talk to parents about what might be going on at home. If the hair twisting makes a bald spot, if the nails are bleeding, or the child cannot communicate most of the time, confer with parents on a plan to find the cause and eliminate the habit. Often, the more we call attention to these habits, the more they will increase, so give BIG TIME positive attention to the child when he is not doing these things. “Wow, Hairchewer. I love to listen to you when your hair is out of your mouth. I can hear every word you say.” Stammering is a natural developmental issue most of the time. Try patting rhythmically on a child’s arm or shoulder until his words match the rhythm and he’s able to speak.

Unattractive Habits – This is stuff like nose picking, bottom scratching, belching, etc. Some of these things are unhealthy, some merely distracting, but deal with them privately because they should be privately practiced. Take the child aside and suggest that it is not (healthy, attractive, polite) to do these things in front of others but that he should save them for a private time and place. If you talk about these things aloud with the whole community, the attention the topic receives will increase the behaviors rather than reduce them. Four year olds, in particular, seem to practice these things with great relish. If you have an epidemic of belching, either ignore it until it stops for lack of attention from you, or STOP the action FIRMLY and have a full community discussion about the time and place for these sorts of things.

Table Manners – Not gonna’ happen, but I’m talking about etiquette. Young children are not known for their gentility at the dining table. Ease up on the manners and concentrate on carrying on intelligent and pleasant mealtime conversation and opportunities for learning. Model good manners, give attention and use active listening skills with the children who are eating nicely. Increase attention span and dining time (staying at the table) by making meal times relaxed but purposeful. Have correct expectations for eating habits. Food fights are out, but food counting, book reading, color naming, and talking about shape, size, texture, personal food preferences, and nutritional value, and using meal times to review the work of the day are IN.

Increase sitting down time by use of these pleasant conversations and by having everything the children need to open packages, eat and drink and even pour by themselves. Most important rule on dining – SIT DOWN AND EAT WITH THE CHILDREN rather than hover and serve. A smart Pre-K teacher I know, Miss Christy, reminded me that older fours and fives need to learn cafeteria independence before leaving her class, so she does less teacher-led things at the table and encourages more quiet conversation among the children as the year gets closer to ending.

Next Blog: 40 Years in the Trenches IV

 

 

 

 

BULLIES!

You Know Who I’m Talking About – There is always a child (or two) whose behaviors are hard to deal with and whose name is called out almost automatically when trouble occurs and who is NEVER ABSENT! This child deserves to think of himself as good and to know he is welcome to school every day in spite of his previous ‘sins’. Sometimes he is the bully or the pest who bugs the other kids or the most physically active climber-runner-pouncer on whom you feel you must keep the most constant supervision. Use the behavior management system for his actions, but forgive him and move on. It will be healthier for child, the teacher, and the relationship between the two.

There is always some type of bullying behavior – being physically or emotionally cruel to others – but try not to label an overly aggressive child “the bully”. Deal with the behavior by realizing that this child may be bullied at home, may be testing his strength and power, jockeying for position in the community pecking order, and that both boys AND girls demonstrate bullying behaviors. Sometimes a child who bullies is a just a bigger than average size child who isn’t aware of his physical strength.

If any child hurts someone, deal with this as you would any other instance of harmful behavior, going to the victim first with empathy and concern. If there is a child who becomes known as the class bully and the other children are talking about him, afraid of him, excluding him, or telling their parents about him, take time and care to help him develop some social skills. Talk to his/her parents about behavior management, and find a way to keep the children safe while building the aggressor’s self-esteem.

Bullying has been going on since Goliath tried to bash David in the Bible. I have seen teachers tell their little Davids to hit those Goliaths back, but this is totally inappropriate. Encourage the Davids to be brave and strong, to use their words to try to make friends, or to ignore the Goliaths if they can. Give your Davids both protection and words to use to stand their ground, but never encourage physical retribution.

Goliaths who bully others usually like jobs, so put them in charge of class morale – the Happy Helper who makes sure others are safe and happy – or assign them tasks that give them a sense of responsibility like Pet/Plant Protector or Kid Counter so they can practice building their leadership qualities without using mean hands, mean feet, or mean words.Teachers should not be blamed for this “new phenomenon”, bullying. We try hard to keep every child safe physically, emotionally, and educationally but we cannot work the children like marionettes, pulling their strings and controlling all of the 5, 10, 15, or 20 little individuals in our care, each with his or her own personality, home situation, and developmental level. We are great and wonderful, but we are not miracle workers.

Young children will be aggressive on occasions no matter how careful and concerned with safety we are; no matter how terrific our classrooms and playgrounds are designed; and no matter the excellence of our curriculum and educational expertise.

Make sure you get to know which child shows aggressive tendencies and whether there is a pattern to these behaviors (does he hit/bite when he’s tired, bored, overstimulated, hungry, feeling ‘crowded’, missing home, afraid of noises, has to use the potty, is there a specific victim each time, etc). ‘Immunize’ by assuring that these things are taken into consideration, he is kept busy and challenged, and sometimes apart from his usual victims.

Next Blog: From 40 Years in the Trenches III

 

Behavior Management – Advice from Me (Mrs. B.)

NO – Say “NO!” forcefully, firmly, and purposefully for safety issues. Say “Absolutely Not”, for questions and infractions against Program Values. Say “Yes, When” or “Yes, If” or even “Maybe. Let’s talk about it”, whenever you can. “Yes, we can go to the playground when all the toys are put away” or “Yes, you may have the truck when he is through with it” or “Maybe we can put the doll in the water table if we can figure out how to dry her out later. What do you think?”

The Truth about Consequences – Consequences (penalties, if you must) must be totally nonviolent, age appropriate, behavior appropriate, relevant and meaningful to the child, and not harmful to the self-esteem. Whenever possible, match the consequence to the offense (biting to get attention=loss of attention; throwing toy=loss of toy; hitting others=loss of privilege of playing with others). Let the punishment fit the crime.

Time Out – Time Out or the system of removing a child who has done something harmful to a place where he can think about his infraction, really needs to be called Time Without because it is time without your attention that will be the most effective consequence. If your classroom is filled with wonderful things to do and see and taste and experience, time without participating in that will be even more of a motivator for peaceful and safe behaviors (and a deterrent to ugly behaviors). Do not confuse a Time Out area with a Quiet Space, which is a comfortable classroom space for a child to go when he is homesick, upset, or not feeling tip-top.

If a time out system is used, make sure it is age appropriate in time – one or two minutes per year of age. Explain to the child why he’s being ‘banished’ and see that he stays in the designated area for the right amount of time. Don’t forget the child sitting in the time out area. Remember to return to him, remind him why he was “benched”, and move on with your day.

Use It, Don’t Abuse It – Time Out, Time Without, Thinking Time, or whatever you call it, can be very overused, misused, and can totally lose its effectiveness. Removal from the action is a consequence that should be saved for harmful behaviors only. Yes, there are occasions when a child’s behaviors need to be addressed by his removal – even from the classroom – and even for more than a few minutes. If a child has continuing harmful behaviors and his removal keeps other children safe, do not hesitate to remove him, but make sure parents are made aware of the serious nature of his behaviors and take an active role in making a plan for eliminating the behaviors. Remember, it is zero tolerance for the behavior, not the child.

Privacy – Remember that a child needs the most love when he is acting the most unlovable. Do not scold, chastise, or punish a child in an open forum as a lesson to others or to shame him. The point of discipline is to teach self-regulation, not to dishonor a child among his peers or scare him into being “good”. Give him ownership of his behavior. Allow the personal burden of the responsibility of that ownership and give him the consequence of the unwanted behavior, but don’t damage his self-esteem.

Apologies – Many teachers have ‘offenders’ verbally apologize or hug it out after hurting someone. This level of remorse is not a typical emotional skill for a preschooler, but you can ask him to do this to help build ownership and the beginnings of empathy. A better way to instill empathy is for the teacher to model it by making sure the victim of the behavior is given attention first and foremost. I’m not really big on apologies, because I think there should be a firm appropriate but negative consequence for causing harm, not just a quick, Sorry. My bad”.

Forgive and Move On – We need to forgive children for their mistakes and ugly behaviors. It’s important to move beyond unfortunate incidents and not get bogged down in the negativity of the moment and carry it into the rest of the day) or week, month, or year). Inability to do this sometimes results in a child becoming know as ‘the bad kid’, and this is a very damaging label.

Next blog: From the Trenches II – Bullying

The Journey to Self-Regulation, My Grasshoppers (google “Kung Fu” 1972)

The goal of discipline is not to have control over the community of learners, but to engender self-control and self-regulation in each member of the community for the good of the continuation of the learning process. Here are some positive things to do that will reduce the number of negative behaviors in your learning community:

 

• Be strong in maintaining the values of good health and nonviolence and firm in curtailing harmful behaviors. The rule may be “Use Your Gentle Hands”, but it means “No Hitting, No Kicking, No Biting, No Spitting!”
• Model behaviors that epitomize and clearly represent the program values. Behave Yourself!
• Have developmentally appropriate expectations for behaviors. Know Your Kids!
  Spend more time affirming positive safe behaviors than looking for and correcting negative ones. Let it Go, Let it Go!
• Use positively stated rules for behavior. Tell them what TO do, not just what NOT to do.
• React quickly, firmly, and with the strongest consequences for breaking rules about unsafe and harmful behaviors. NO!
• Use sensible consequences that have relevancy for the children. Throw toy =loss of toy.
• Use intangible feedback rather than prizes for appropriate behaviors.
• Encourage independence, no matter how messy, and give them ownership of their behaviors.
• Encourage children to work out differences and solve problems. Offer words and make suggestions, but let them figure it out.
• Allow harmless but meaningful natural consequences to occur without saying, “I told you so”.
• ALLOW NO PERSON TO DEMEAN OR BELITTLE A CHILD FOR HIS APPEARANCE, ABILITY, EMOTIONS, LEVEL OF MATURITY OR ANY CULTURAL ASPECT OF HIS LIFE
• Make continuous connections with parents to compare home and school behaviors

Want more specifics? Next blog: From 40 Years in the Trenches, Part One

We need to deal with each child’s behaviors by understanding these developmental guidelines:

Infants – Children under one year of age have no behaviors that can be described as annoying or distracting except for excessive crying, and this is not a negative behavior, but an expression of hunger, pain, discomfort, illness, or need for attention. These expressions should be dealt with by the teacher simply meeting the infant’s need. “Bending” or “breaking” the infant’s will, or insisting he conform to a more convenient schedule or pattern before he is ready to do so is bad teaching. The smooth brain waves created by the repeated back-and-forth dance of need and met need make infants calmer and (dare I say it?) smarter.
Babies – Babies can have personally unsafe behaviors like putting stuff in their mouths or reaching for unsafe objects. This is handled by creation of a physically safe environment and by redirection that may be accompanied by a verbal “warning” like, “No, Baby. Yuck. No Dirt.” Babies do occasionally bite each other out of curiosity and frustration or out of a need to communicate. This can be a harmful behavior, but is very natural and not a “bad” behavior. There are no ‘bad’ babies. Baby biting needs to be handled by the teacher assuring that there is adequate space for all babies and adequate numbers of toys so that space is not ‘invaded’ and possessions are not taken.

Toddlers – Children from one to two may have separation anxiety and tantrums that can be described as annoying and those can escalate to being quite distracting and contagious. If crying over separation anxiety or a tantrum increases to excessive screaming, kicking, flailing, or trying to run from the room, or is an obvious disturbance for the other children, the child may need to be removed from the environment to calm down. Don’t impose consequences for a toddler’s emotional outbursts as they are not purposefully harmful.

Twos – Children of this age run the gamut of negative behaviors, most of them natural, but needing to be handled more strongly than those of toddlers. Personally unsafe and harmful behaviors in twos need to be handled by stating the rule and giving a warning on the first offense and Imposing a promised and pre-determined consequence on the second.

The annoying behavior of refusal to comply (the NO!!’s) begin now, because the two is trying to assert his independence. This two year old’s refusals to follow simple requests can sometimes be handled by a particular way of redirecting with a warning called allowing a natural consequence to occur. (Example: at cleanup time if a Two says NO to helping, a teacher might say, “Oh, too bad. You won’t be able to go to the playground with us until you put your truck away”).

Two Tantrums*&^!@! – There are three methods of dealing with tantrums. The first one is to use redirection, the second is to ignore it and let it run its course, and the third is to ‘control’ the child who is out of control. Redirection works if there are some entertaining distractions and the child hasn’t crossed that threshold of being out of control. Ignoring works unless it becomes so distracting to other children that the learning process is interrupted and contagious behavior begins.

If staffing allows, the tantrum child may need to be removed from the classroom until he has gained control. A good teacher will know which method to use. After the tantrum has passed, the teacher needs to forgive and forget. It’s exhausting for everyone.

Words of Wisdom – My favorite tantrum tale is that of Niki, who cried daily until he vomited. After three weeks of this, his classmate, Rebecca, told him, “Nitty! If you want to flow up, Flow Up at Home!” I find this a very acceptable motto to live by.

Threes, Fours, and Fives – Children over two need to understand the consequences of negative behavior and take ownership of them. Annoying behaviors need to be boycotted (ignored or given no positive attention) and personally unsafe and harmful behaviors need to be handled with the system of natural consequence, stating the rule and warning for first offense, and imposing of the pre-determined consequence for second offense.

Next Blog: A Final Thought on the Philosophy of Discipline